Monday, January 28, 2013

Guest Blog: Loitering (Cold) War Update!

Guest Blog by the Fred J. Carrol
All guest blogs are published as a courtesy and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Insider Staff.

Below is an update to his previously published essay here: 
Many thanks Fred!
Loitering [Cold] War Update....tempered by five years 
of Bum with Brooming

.....well, let me start with right now and work my way I walk up or down Liberty or Grand basically between High and Main streets of course I don't have to "look at" the garbage to see it, I already know it's there and can't help but see it....smell it, sense it, and not only do I not feel the same itch which prompted me to drop to my knees and start pulling weeds once upon a time back as it were in the day, before this Obama took the country completely Socialist! [sorry, I can't help myself...that's a joke....], yeah back in the day when the Doctor was a weed pullin' fool, a veritable broom swingin' savant [ I don't have to tell you what kind of savant], a leaf blower bearing bastard who didn't mind, nay verily delighted in, making a public fool of himself by energetically cleaning various types of "property", any or all of which obviously did not belong to said fool me...... so in other words what, am I crazy? What is going on here, why is this shaggy haired toothless old goofball cleaning the sidewalk, curb, steps, lawn, dumpster area, alley like he was not only getting paid, but maybe had an electric shock collar on punishing any slowing down with a few volts....Yeah, never mind "Oh no, I'm working but, alas! I am not being PAID to work...oh woe is me...woe is me..", no, never mind that, my initial Bums With Brooms endeavors had every potential to get me arrested, committed, or murdered.
Yeah it was a fairly dangerous bit, you know, just being out and all around at all hours, never mind being me, which is to say a hundred and fifty five pound long haired women's pants wearin' fifty some years old chess playing effete intellectual snob...very dangerous bit, never mind fairly. Anyway, why the hell did I want to do what I did for a solid four years, why? To answer as truthfully as possible with brevity at a premium also, I did it[wanted to do it] because I had nothing else to do, but beside that, because I enjoy blowing peoples's a sixties thing, you know....anyway.....what I started out to say is that...I don't want to clean the streets I mentioned anymore.....I feel like a plurality of the people who live there truly don't deserve clean, or, more importantly want it..... and my "artist's eye" is really developing to the point where I see litter as something which is as much as supposed to be there, as an emblem or flag of the [pardon me!] zeitgeist of a particular neighborhood, and shouldn't necessarily be disturbed......But so to bring it to loitering I honestly don't even really have anything to say about people standing around all day every day not selling drugs, or whatever it is.
My problem is when people leave their [tubercular sounding !] lung butter on the ground. That's it. And I'd bet it would take electric shock collars to get them to stop.
Fred J. Carroll


  1. Uncle Fred at his avuncular best; bravo!

  2. I would literally vote for Fred over Drew. Fred isn't a phony politician, and that's what we really need in this city.


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