Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Guest Blog: " Main Street Manifesto" by Fred Carroll

"Dr. Fred" busy at work on
 his Middletown
observation cartoons
Main Street Manifesto by Fred Carroll 

What's in a name? High St. is fairly high, Broad St. is fairly wide, Court Street most certainly does have a courthouse on it, Liberty Street surely has been liberated from the rule of law...but is Main Street in Middletown actually the main street in town? Yes, in a word, the only possible competition for that title coming from Washington Street, which does double duty as an Interstate Highway or Rural Route or some such. So, why are we [not just my Tapeworm and myself!] talking about it, is there a problem? 

And again, YES, in a word, there IS a problem on Main Street...and the word is PARKING. Parking for the business owner, for the shopper, for the employee, for the vendor, for the tourist.....for everyone BUT the Mayor, who can park on your front lawn if he wants! Is that it, parking? Are there any other problems on Main Street besides where the hell to park the car which I can barely afford to drive? Well, yes, there are a few other problems as well. 

For example, between the front door of your business, which is a restaurant of course, and The Parking Meter, there are any number of other people who are just as determined as you, the "legitimate" business owner to "make a go of it" in their chosen enterprise, which , rather than selling the deliciously prepared flesh of a dead Cow, Chicken, or Pig might entail selling the flesh of a "LIVE GIRL" [there used to be neon signs in Manhattan advertising as much...I don't know if they still sell LIVE GIRLS in New York City or not...perhaps after "9-11" they cut that kind of thing out...] right there on the sidewalk. And of course, the live girl is homeless or addicted to some stupid [formerly legal] drug or other. And then there's the rest of the "panoply" of Street People from Bums to Pimps to malevolent Mendicants and some folks who, at least as the story goes, have no idea what planet they're on, never mind what street... And through all this "battlefield" some poor bastard who just wants to feed people and earn a living in the process is struggling mightily to make the monthly nut and keep the whole thing going. Yeah, I'd call that a problem. So, what's my answer to all of this? Well, what's the question?

 Nothing can be done about any of it! Learn to live with it, is all. For, apparently, someone who sells the flesh of dead animals lacks the moral authority to chase away someone who sells the flesh of live girls and the concomitant narcotics....for "So long as there are slaughterhouses...there will be battlefields" [ Leo Tolstoy ], and, what, after all is Main Street a.k.a."Middletowns Food Court" but the "spit out" point for the slaughterhouse?


  1. I love essays by Dr. Fred! I'm so glad he's back to writing! Always tells it exactly like it is in Middletown- and only the way he could. Bravo! Two Brooms up!

  2. Parking meters are unconstitutional. They are poles, collecting taxes. The 14th Amendment forbids pole taxes.


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